Transforming the Shame Triangle

“A fresh, insightful take on one of our slipperiest emotions that offers readers workable pathways forward.”—Kirkus

“Transforming the Shame Triangle presents an extremely helpful model for working with the internal dynamics that keep us caught in cycles of shame and suffering, as well as clarifying understandings of the external systems and structures which generate such dynamics. Weaving together multiple wisdoms and practices in an accessible and engaging way, Jessica and David help us to honour the deeply plural nature of ourselves, and help all find their ways towards love and liberation.”—Meg-John Barker, author of Rewriting the Rules

“Jessica Fern and David Cooley have made a giant leap in moving us forward in developing new and effective healing modalities. They truly deliver the complete package, for clinicians and for the rest of us. Don’t be distracted by their brilliant synthesis of many psychotherapeutic theories. They take that to the next level and come through with the praxis, putting theory into practice. This book takes that robust analysis and then provides step-by-step instructions for utilizing their innovative tools for healing trauma and breaking free from life-long beliefs and patterns of behavior.”—Kathy Labriola, author of The Polyamory Breakup Book

“Fern and Cooley have done a beautiful job making the complex processes of shame and self-love accessible and nuanced. This book is a practical roadmap for anyone who wants to bridge the gap between psychological insight and real-world application, offering both deeper understanding of how we get trapped in shame-fuelled patterns and actionable steps toward genuine self-acceptance. Their framework provides hope without oversimplification, making meaningful personal transformation feel genuinely achievable.”—Shadeen Francis, relationship and family therapist

“I would highly recommend Transforming the Shame Triangle for anyone looking to increase their understanding of how to use parts work to manage emotions and address problems.”—Tamara Pincus, licensed clinical social worker, sex therapist and co-author of It’s Called Polyamory

​​“An absolute must-read for anyone caught in the endless chase to ‘be better.’ Transforming the Shame Triangle breaks us free from painful cycles of compulsive self-improvement, affirming that self-love isn’t a reward we earn by being better—it’s already here, ready to emerge when we hold the parts of ourselves we’ve been taught to hide.”—Hailey Magee, author of Stop People Pleasing and Find Your Power

“Transforming the Shame Triangle takes us, with curiosity and care, into our inner world and supports our metamorphosis from shame to self-compassion and connection with the people who matter most to us. The framework of the Shame Triangle is as accessible as it is powerful, and I cannot wait to recommend this book to clients and students.”—Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, author of Love Every Day and host of the podcast Reimagining Love

Jessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker, and trauma and relationship expert. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love.

David Cooley is a professional restorative justice facilitator, diversity and privilege awareness trainer, and bilingual cultural broker. He is the creator of the Restorative Relationships Conversations model, a process that transforms interpersonal conflict into deeper connection, intimacy and repair. In his private practice, David specialises in working with nonmonogamous and LGBTQ partnerships, incorporating a variety of modalities including trauma-informed care, attachment theory, somatic practices, narrative theory and mindfulness-based techniques.

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