Stay or Leave

Whether we should stay in or leave a relationship is one of the most consequential and painful decisions we are ever likely to confront: few other issues will have such power to trouble us.

What makes the issue so hard is that there are no fixed rules for judgement. How can we tell whether a relationship is 'good enough' or plain wrong? How do we draw the line between justified longing and naivety? Is sex vital or could it be foregone? Does someone 'better' actually exist? How much should the feelings of children be counted (and what might they be in the long term)? Could one's partner change, perhaps with therapy, or should one assume that who they are now is who they will always be?

All these questions typically haunt our minds as we weigh up whether to stay or go. With no axe to grind or ideology to promote, this book walks the reader gently through their options and opens their mind to perspectives they might not have considered. The goal is to help clarify what the reader wants deep down so the answer that emerges will be properly attuned to their unique circumstances and (often very private) aspirations. Here is a tool that carries the promise of the clearer and less compromised future we deserve.

This book aims to take the reader towards a time, presently hard to imagine, when the choice will no longer feel so agonising. Using its lessons, we can understand ourselves deeply, consider our options, minimise our regrets and find the way ahead.

“Reader reviews 'I always find a lot of value in the School of Life books; they are beautifully written, thought-provoking and insightful. This one is no different.' - NetGalley review 'It is predominantly aimed at those considering whether to stay in or leave a romantic relationship, but could equally apply to any kind of relationship (friend, familial, or even a job), and also suggests ways that any of these relationships could be improved (even if one was never considering leaving).' - NetGalley review 'As a people-pleaser who has never been great at setting boundaries and who always thinks problems must be my fault, this was particularly helpful.' - NetGalley review 'If you're completely satisfied with your relationships, then this can just act as a reminder to be grateful for what you have!' - NetGalley review 'Stay or Leave is a concise and highly readable book on the reasons relationships breakdown with the premise it can help someone decide whether to "stay" or "leave.' - NetGalley review 'It gives an insight into both sides of the relationship and the dynamics which maybe at play.' - NetGalley review '...a wonderfully quick and thought-provoking read.' - Reader review "An excellent book to help you make decisions in your personal life ... A quick read, but full of value for your mental health and love life!" - NetGalley review "Such a wonderfully well-written and insightful book. I read it in one sitting, for such a slim volume it goes straight to the heart of the matter on several key questions about staying or leaving a relationship ... Cannot recommend this enough!" - NetGalley review”

Reader reviews

'I always find a lot of value in the School of Life books; they are beautifully written, thought-provoking and insightful. This one is no different.' - NetGalley review

'It is predominantly aimed at those considering whether to stay in or leave a romantic relationship, but could equally apply to any kind of relationship (friend, familial, or even a job), and also suggests ways that any of these relationships could be improved (even if one was never considering leaving).' - NetGalley review

'As a people-pleaser who has never been great at setting boundaries and who always thinks problems must be my fault, this was particularly helpful.' - NetGalley review

'If you're completely satisfied with your relationships, then this can just act as a reminder to be grateful for what you have!' - NetGalley review

'Stay or Leave is a concise and highly readable book on the reasons relationships breakdown with the premise it can help someone decide whether to "stay" or "leave.' - NetGalley review

'It gives an insight into both sides of the relationship and the dynamics which maybe at play.' - NetGalley review

'...a wonderfully quick and thought-provoking read.' - Reader review

"An excellent book to help you make decisions in your personal life ... A quick read, but full of value for your mental health and love life!" - NetGalley review

"Such a wonderfully well-written and insightful book. I read it in one sitting, for such a slim volume it goes straight to the heart of the matter on several key questions about staying or leaving a relationship ... Cannot recommend this enough!" - NetGalley review

The School of Life is a global organisation helping people lead more fulfilled lives. Through our range of books, gifts and stationery we aim to prompt more thoughtful natures and help everyone to find fulfilment.The School of Life Press brings together the thinking and ideas of the School of Life creative team under the direction of series editor, Alain de Botton. Their books share a coherent, curated message that speaks with one voice: calm, reassuring and sane.

Whether we should stay in or leave a relationship is one of the most consequential and painful decisions we are ever likely to confront: few other issues will have such power to trouble us.What makes the issue so hard is that there are no fixed rules for judgement. How can we tell whether a relationship is 'good enough' or plain wrong? How do we draw the line between justified longing and naivety? Is sex vital or could it be foregone? Does someone 'better' actually exist? How much should the feelings of children be counted (and what might they be in the long term)? Could one's partner change, perhaps with therapy, or should one assume that who they are now is who they will always be?All these questions typically haunt our minds as we weigh up whether to stay or go. With no axe to grind or ideology to promote, this book walks the reader gently through their options and opens their mind to perspectives they might not have considered. The goal is to help clarify what the reader wants deep down so the answer that emerges will be properly attuned to their unique circumstances and (often very private) aspirations. Here is a tool that carries the promise of the clearer and less compromised future we deserve.This book aims to take the reader towards a time, presently hard to imagine, when the choice will no longer feel so agonising. Using its lessons, we can understand ourselves deeply, consider our options, minimise our regrets and find the way ahead.

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