What On Earth?

The much-needed manifesto by the Sanest Politician in the Entire Cosmos, from capping the price of croissants at 1 to taking over Downing Street.

'Count Binface will be Prime Minister. It's only a matter of time' Independent

Greetings, life-form! My name is Count Binface. I am an intergalactic space warrior, leader of the Recyclons and three-time British election veteran. And as part of my overarching mission to control the entire omniverse, I have come to conquer Britain.

It's not that I want to do this - you need me to. Because the one thing everyone can agree on right now is that Earth is in an absolute state. And of all its messed-up nations, the British are particularly deranged.

In this book, I share my story for the first time, my political beliefs and even the occasional recipe, in return for a reasonable - nay, bargain - amount of Earth currency.

I also provide an alien's-visor-view of your past, so that you can learn from past mistakes. This isn't the first potted history of Britain ever to be committed to print, but I can guarantee that compared to any others, mine will be the most accurate. If anyone cares to argue about that, which one of us has had access to a time machine?

So settle down, grab a beverage, and let's make your planet Count.

'Count Binface in his steely, glimmering, elusiveness is both a galactically intimidating - and curiously heartening symbol of the future of British politics - #believeinthebin' Rory Stewart

'Count Binface is out of this world' Emily Maitlis

Count Binface in his steely, glimmering, elusiveness is both a galactically intimidating - and curiously heartening symbol of the future of British politics - #believeinthebin Rory Stewart
A really funny book, full of great comic ideas and sometimes surprising common sense Spectator
Count Binface is out of this world Emily Maitlis
Halfway through this book I actually started thinking Binface had some brilliant ideas...he had me at "London Bridge should be renamed Phoebe Waller" Jeremy Vine
There are about twenty jokes on every page. Very funny Greg Jenner
Our favourite space politician Daily Star
Count Binface will be Prime Minister. It's only a matter of time Independent

Count Binface is the intergalactic space warrior and novelty politician who has delighted millions with his unlikely tilts at power in the United Kingdom. First he took on Theresa May in the 2017 General Election, cunningly disguised as 'Lord Buckethead', and went viral around the world (in a non-Covid way). Then he challenged Boris Johnson in 2019, when he scored 69 votes (he'd love to say he's the first life form to experience a surprising 69 with the Prime Minister in a sports hall during the small hours, but you just never know). More recently, in 2021 he ran to be Mayor of London in a bid to gain control of the Earth Capital itself. He received a glorious 24,775 votes from the great British public that sent him soaring into ninth place. Binface now has his eye on even more prestigious places in the British establishment, including a guest spot in Dictionary Corner on Countdown (Susie, my DMs are open).

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