When Nothing Feels Real

Journalist Nathan Dunne was living the life of his dreams in London until, one evening, he jumped into a lake for a swim. When he emerged, his identity was simply gone. He felt completely lost and in acute, inexplicable pain. He knew who he was supposed to be but had no connection to the person named Nathan. His memories were distant and separate, not his. Everything was unfamiliar. All he felt was terror.

This was the beginning of his experience with depersonalisation, a little-understood and on-the-rise mystery mental illness that causes a person to dissociate from their body and thoughts. It can be chronic and severe but it can also be more everyday and relatable: symptoms include feeling overwhelmed, withdrawing from family and friends, experiencing negative thoughts, being unable to concentrate or perform routine tasks, or feeling outside of yourself.

When Nothing Feels Real is Nathan's quest to find his way through to the other side from the terrifying onset of his illness, the years of misdiagnosis and his long search for an answer and a cure. In the vein of Lost Connections and The Woman Who Changed Her Brain, he expertly weaves in neuroscience, patient experiences and interviews with leading doctors in the field, using himself as a guide to courageously explore the personal, medical, psychological and philosophical issues raised by depersonalisation.

A compelling, deeply personal account, When Nothing Feels Real shines a light on this growing mental illness, helping other sufferers feel more informed and less alone.

'Imagine losing your sense of self in an instant. You no longer recognize your face, your body, even your own voice. You have become a ghost, disconnected to everyone and everything around you. This is what it is like living with depersonalization disorder. In Nathan Dunne's exquisitely written and deftly researched memoir, When Nothing Feels Real, Dunne takes us on his arduous journey to find a diagnosis and cure for this devastating illness. This book broke my heart but also gave me hope. There is so much yearning here, so much longing to live and to love and to be whole again. This is a brave and beautiful book.'Mira Bartok, author of The Memory Palace: A Memoir

'This book is a vital and timely exploration of a poorly understood and devastating mental illness, and a powerful meditation on the fragility and resilience of selfhood. It will resonate profoundly with all those who question what it means to be ourselves, and what it is to be human.' Elinor Cleghorn, author of Unwell Women

'When Nothing Feels Real took a lot of courage to write. It captures the pain and mystery of depersonalisation as well as its art and science.

Professor Anthony David, Neuropsychiatrist and Director of the UCL Institute of Mental Health

'Nathan Dunne is a writer of such touching sympathies and affinities and generosity and pure gifts of language and mastery of both echoes internal and in the air.' Cynthia Ozick, author of The Puttermesser Papers and Antiquities

'Dunne's writing is extraordinary, original and rewarding.' Robert Cottrell, BBC Culture

'Jeepers! That's some illness.' - Peter Goldsworthy

'His vivid descriptions of losing himself are graphic, visceral and, at times, alarming - powerful storytelling' Becca Whitehead, Books + Publishing

Nathan Dunne was born in Brisbane, Australia and grew up in India. After graduating from the University of Sydney with the University Medal, he studied art history at Cambridge University and received a PhD from Birkbeck College, University of London. He has lectured at Harvard and Yale, and also worked for several years at Tate Modern. As a journalist and critic, he has contributed to many publications, including The Washington Post, The Atlantic, The Boston Globe, The Guardian, Slate and Artforum. He now lives in Sydney.

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