The Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy

This handbook provides perspectives across mental health disciplines on clinical work with consensual non-monogamous (CNM) people/relationships from a lens of power, privilege, and oppression. The authors provide a broad-based resource for clinicians, trainees, educators and supervisors in CNM-affirming care, addressing societal and internalized mononormativity and intersections with other forms of oppression (including ableism, racism, cisnormativity, classism).

Educators using this volume will find foundational, current data on the experiences of CNM individuals and their relationships, as well as recent theory and empirical research relevant to CNM clients, including the importance of cultural humility within clinical practice. Key topics include developmental approaches to CNM, communities, families and relationships, queerness, emotional experiences, strengths/resilience, as well as ethical issues, training and organizational considerations in work with these clients, emphasizing practical recommendations, insights, and tools to promote CNM-affirming practice across settings.

Winner of Division 44 Distinguished Book Award 2024

“Sexuality education everywhere needs a source like this. This is a practical, direct, and informational book for private practices to become sensitized to people in consensual non-monogamous relationships and to better support them.”

[This] new handbook is a wonderful addition to any relationship therapist's toolbox. It is timely and incredibly thorough, though the editors also explicitly acknowledge just how much we have yet to learn around CNM and those engaged in such relationship structures. In addition to compelling theory and practical recommendations, the Handbook includes wonderful resources and starting point considerations for clinical faculty and supervisors working to unlearn their own biases in order to better serve therapists-in-training. The Handbook is likely to be a challenging read for those without at least some familiarity with liberation psychology and anti-oppressive frameworks, those lacking a foundation in multicultural theory, or providers without a personal approach to cultivating their cultural humility. For these mental health providers, however, I would argue that the Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy Affirming Mental Health Practice is perhaps all the more important to read and reflect upon. It is a wealth of knowledge and deserves serious consideration from the mental health field.

-- "Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy"

At long last there is an extensive, comprehensive, and well-written resource for therapists and clinicians whose clients are practitioners of consensual non-monogamies (CNMs). This authoritative work equips counselors to be empowered, educated, and effective, with a framework for treatment that considers intersectionality and how CNM clients and communities experience the dominant culture.

--Teresa Johnson, MA, LPC, BCC

Baked-in prejudices extend to the ways that couples therapists are trained, says Michelle Vaughn. She's coauthor (with Theodore R. Burnes) of The Handbook of Consensual Nonmonogamy: Affirming Mental Health Practice, the one book I most wish I'd read before I started seeing couples 30 years ago. "All of us are raised in a society that assumes monogamy," she notes. "We're taught there's one way to do a relationship: the right way, the respected way. In graduate programs, we're taught that if you're interested in multiple intimate relationships, you have an unhealthy attachment style, or trauma, or a mental health issue." She highlights the often-heard fallacy that there's research proving you can only form one healthy intimate adult attachment. "A complete fabrication," she adds. "There's no such research."

-- "Psychotherapy Networker"

Psychotherapists are often hesitant to work with CNM clients, as evidence-based practice is required; however, there is very little clinical research available. The Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy: Affirming Mental Health Practice fills this significant gap through a multi-leveled approach in providing effective and anti-oppressive mental-relational health care to CNM clients.

--Carling Mashinter, MSc, registered psychotherapist, Relationship Matters Therapy Centre

--Dr. Martha Tara Lee, Relationship Counselor and Clinical Sexologist

The Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy disrupts the narrow narrative about relationships put forth in current sexuality and mental health texts and creates a different dialogue possibility that centers on the wellness of the individual in any type of relationship. This text invites the mental health practitioner to consider the diversity of valid, healthy relationship styles that exist and how they impact the multiple identities of our clients. The perfect guide for every clinician with clients who are practicing consensual non-monogamy, this text lets us meet their needs with skill and grace.

--Joli Hamilton, PhD, MHC, CSE, founder of the Year of Opening; author of Project Relationship

The Handbook on Consensual Non-Monogamy provides a much-needed comprehensive overview of what we now know about consensually non-monogamous relationships, drawing on a wide range of academic, therapeutic and activist theories and research. Situating monogamy and non-monogamy appropriately within a current capitalist, colonialist way of relating, this collection foregrounds anti-oppressive and relationship diversity affirming approaches to working with non-monogamous people across intersections. An invaluable resource for all professionals hoping to practice cultural humility around relationships and beyond.

--Meg-John Barker, author of Understanding Non-Monogamies and Rewriting the Rules

There is so little literature that is accessible to the public about CNM that takes a clinical approach. The overall vision of The Handbook on Consensual Non-Monogamy is a comprehensive, engaging improvement to other books on the subject, namely books on CNM that target mental health clinicians as its audience. This book is so necessary for our field, in which CNM and related topics in psychotherapy have been historically under-taught to clinicians.

--Jennifer Schneider, MSW, LICSW, LCSW, therapist and consultant

This book offers mental health providers a much-needed exploration of consensual non-monogamy (CNM), viewed through the wider lens of intersectionality. It begins by examining how monogamy-centrism, or mononormativity, is based on white supremacist and heterosexual ideals. CNM is then centered within its own context, exploring the evolving language, family structures and strengths of its participants. Recent literature on CNM is reviewed to give the provider a sense of the needs and concerns of the CNM community. Existing psychological theories and tools are explored in terms of how these might be brought to bear when CNM participants enter the therapy room. A critical eye is then turned within, questioning who has access to the CNM community and who does not, and how access might be expanded for people of varying races, genders, abilities, socioeconomic status, and asexual/aromantic identities. Finally, the mental health clinic is explored, with an eye towards how it too may be made more welcoming to CNM community members, including the unique situations that CNM therapists find themselves within. In sum, this book is a rich, thought-provoking journey into the world of CNM and the many identities within and around it.

--Geri Weitzman, PhD

This handbook is the most comprehensive, well-researched resource available for clinicians supporting individuals exploring or engaging in consensual non-monogamy (CNM). It is a much-needed, culturally relevant, guiding resource that unifies the latest research with qualitative anecdotes to humanize the lived experience of those practicing consensual non-monogamy. It addresses the knowledge gap that persists in society and the mental health profession about how to care for a sizable minority of individuals seeking services. I am thrilled about the anti-oppressive, intersectional lens of this handbook, and its contribution in the broader context of efforts to provide support to this large and growing marginalized community.

--Heath Schechinger, counseling psychologist, University of California, Berkeley and founding co-chair of the APA Division 44 Committee on Consensual Non-monogamy

This is a very useful if somewhat limited book. Written for clinicians whose practice involves anyone practicing consensual non-monogamy (CNM), this informative text covers a considerable amount of practical information. Vaughan and Burnes provide useful steps for this practice area and a solid summary of the relevant research and theoretical constructs underlying current clinical approaches. The book's strength is how practical a resource it is for any clinician whose practice involves individuals whose lives are experienced and structured in terms of CNM. The book effectively begins with a case study description of a clinician who agrees to work with a CNM couple despite having limited experience in this area, exactly the type of professional likely to find this book particularly useful. Recommended. Graduate students and professionals.

-- "Choice Reviews"

Vaughan and Burnes' The Handbook of Consensual Non-Monogamy will be a valuable resource for graduate level courses and for clinicians already in practice who want a comprehensive overview of working towards a consensual non-monogamous, anti-oppressive clinical practice.

--Karin Evon Wandrei, PhD, LCSW

With this text, Drs. Vaughan and Burnes have created a much-needed resource in the field. Not only will this be a valuable addition to Counseling and Sexuality courses in training programs, but also to clinicians as well. It is an area of our work that has not been addressed as much as it should be and fills a definite gap in the resources.

--Tonya Renee Hammer, associate professor, School of Community Health Sciences, Counseling and Counseling Psychology, Oklahoma State University

Michelle D. Vaughan, Ph.D. (she/her) is a white, cisgender, pansexual, queer, able-bodied, polyamorous woman living on the land of the Kaskaski in Dayton, Ohio as an Associate Professor in the School of Professional Psychology at Wright State University. She was raised in a white, working-class, rural farm community on the land of the Kikapoo, Kaw/Kansa, in a fundamentalist Christian community embedded in cisheteronormativity, mononormativity and white supremacy. She earned her B.A. in Psychology from Baker University and her M.A. (Psychology) and Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from The University of Akron, as well as post-doctoral fellowship in Addiction at the University of Virginia. She is a counseling psychologist, researcher, author, educator, therapist, and community leader focusing on cultural humility and the strengths of marginalized/oppressed populations throughout her work, centered primarily on queer, transgender and consensually non-monogamous individuals. She also serves as the Executive Director of PolyColumbus, is a member and co-chair within APA Division 44’s Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy.

Theodore R. Burnes, Ph.D. (he/his) is a white, cisgender, queer, able-bodied, man living on the land of the Chumash, Tongva, and Kizh land in Los Angeles, California as a Full Professor in the Clinical Psychology program at Antioch University, Los Angeles in the School of Counseling, Psychology, and Therapy. He was raised in a white, middle class, urban community on the land of the traditional territory of Nacotchtank/Anacostan/Piscataway people in Washington DC. This community was embedded in cisheteronormativity, mononormativity and white supremacy. He earned his B.A. in Psychology and Spanish from Bucknell University, M.S.Ed in Psychological and Community Services from the University of Pennsylvaniaa, and M.A. and Ph.D. in Counseling/Clinical/School Psychology from The University of California, Santa Barbara. He is a licensed counseling psychologist and licensed professional clinical counselor in the state of California, as well as a researcher, author, educator, therapist, and community leader. His professional work focuses on advocacy, cultural humility, and the experiences of marginalized/oppressed populations in receiving mental health services and how organizations can continue to understand these organizations. His work centered primarily on queer, transgender and individuals who work in the sex industry. He is a fellow of the American Psychological Association (in Divisions 17 and 44) and an Associate Editor of Training and Education in Professional Psychology.

This handbook provides perspectives across mental health disciplines on clinical work with consensual non-monogamous (CNM) people/relationships from a lens of power, privilege, and oppression. The authors provide a broad-based resource for clinicians, trainees, educators and supervisors in CNM-affirming care, addressing societal and internalized mononormativity and intersections with other forms of oppression (including ableism, racism, cisnormativity, classism). Educators using this volume will find foundational, current data on the experiences of CNM individuals and their relationships, as well as recent theory and empirical research relevant to CNM clients, including the importance of cultural humility within clinical practice. Key topics include developmental approaches to CNM, communities, families and relationships, queerness, emotional experiences, strengths/resilience, as well as ethical issues, training and organizational considerations in work with these clients, emphasizing practical recommendations, insights, and tools to promote CNM-affirming practice across settings.

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