Fetishized

A deeply personal memoir-in-essays, reckoning with being an object of Asian fetish and how media, pop culture, and colonialism contributed to the oversexualization of Asian women-from Kaila Yu, former pinup model and lead singer of Nylon Pink.A deeply personal memoir-in-essays, reckoning with being an object of Asian fetish and how media, pop culture, and colonialism contributed to the oversexualization of Asian women-from Kaila Yu, former pinup model and lead singer of Nylon Pink.No one fetishized Kaila Yu more than she fetishized herself. As a young girl, she dreamt of beauty. But none of the beautiful women on television looked like her. Growing up as a teenager in the late '90s and early 2000s, Asian representation was scarce, and where it existed, the women were often reduced to overtly sexual and submissive caricatures-the geishas of the book-turned-film Memoirs of a Geisha; the lewd twins, Fook Mi and Fook Yu, in Austin Powers in Goldmember; Papillon Soo Soo's sex worker character in the cult Vietnam War movie Full Metal Jacket; and pin-up goddess Sung-Hi Lee. Meanwhile, the "girls next door" were always white. Within that narrow framework, Kaila internalized a painful conclusion- The only way someone who looked like her could have value or be considered beautiful and desirable was to sexualize herself.Blending vulnerable stories from Yu's life with incisive cultural critique and history, Fetishized is a memoir-in-essays exploring feminism, beauty, yellow fever, and the roles pop culture and colonialism played in shaping pervasive and destructive stereotypes about Asian women and their bodies. Yu revisits the formative moments that shaped her identity. She reflects on the women in media who influenced her, the legacy of U.S. occupation in shaping Western perceptions of Asian women, her own experiences in the pinup and import modeling industry, auditioning for TV and film roles that perpetuated dehumanizing stereotypes, and touring the world with her band in revealing outfits. She recounts altering her body to conform to Western beauty standards, allowing men to treat her like a sex object, and the emotional toll and trauma of losing her sense of self in the pursuit of the image she thought the world wanted.Raw and intimate, Fetishized is a personal journey of self-love and healing. It's both a searing indictment of the violence of objectification and a tender exploration of the broken relationship so many of us have with beauty, desire, and our own bodies.

“Five stars! This is truly an amazing read. Kaila’s challenging perspective and her truth is an eye-opening experience on each page that keeps you glued and wanting to read more. People from all walks of life can learn something impactful from her story.”—Kiki Wong, guitarist for The Smashing Pumpkins

“For too long, Asian women have been objectified, reduced to exotic fantasies rather than seen as complex individuals with their own stories, struggles, and strength. Fetishized is an honest, raw, and beautiful memoir about attempting to find Westernized acceptance and ultimately discovering true beauty within.”—Aiko Tanaka, comedian and actress, Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift

“Yu is fearless and unflinchingly self-aware. Bringing nuance to our understanding of Asian fetishization, Yu unveils not only her victimization, but her participation and ultimately, her healing and empowerment from the brutality of objectification. In this courageous memoir, Yu has become the role model her younger self was looking for.”—Bianca Mabute-Louie, author of Unassimilable: An Asian Diasporic Manifesto for the 21st Century

Kaila Yu is a freelance writer for the Los Angeles Times, Rolling Stone, the New York Times, Business Insider, Conde Nast Traveler and more. Formerly, she was a model and the lead singer for the all-Asian American female rock band Nylon Pink.

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