Grandmotherland

‘I felt as if I was riding through a mystical “grandmotherland” with Edwards from the off. Her book is couched in 35 years of experience working with families from diverse cultures. She encourages us to look beneath family norms and wonder about the way that myth turns to history, turns to myth. […] Edwards insists this isn’t a “how to be a good grandmother” book, but it is, I would argue, a “how to think about grandmothers” book – and it is wonderful.’

I received this excellent book for Xmas. As the late, great Hilary Mantel rightly says: its subject “is an area ripe for exploitation” - that’s the book in a nutshell. It’s a highly perceptive analysis of one of the oldest and most important family relationships: the wise, proxy mother with her grandchild, bringing her maturity to bear on the less experienced mother-child bond. A fruitful subject for its distinguished psychologist author to explore in professional detail. It’s a real surprise the topic hasn’t been explored before. A unique and valuable contribution to family and child psychology.

‘Grandmotherland is a recently published book by psychologist Judith Edwards, which made me think more about my role as a grandmother and about those long-gone grandparents from my past. […] After reading this book, it’s important to allow time for reflection… Even non-grandparents can learn more about family dynamics, past and future. And therapists can integrate some of the ideas into their practices.’

I enjoyed reading Grandmotherland. I must confess to feeling shocked and saddened by all the stories of grandparents and grandchildren banned from seeing each other. I hadn’t realised how often this happens. The chapter about cultural influences and differences was fascinating. I am sure many grannies or families will be helped by this. I liked the book so much, I have already gifted several copies to friends. It deserves a wide readership.

“This is an area ripe for exploration.” Hilary Mantel

‘This wise book is filled with wonderful stories, some disturbing and many touching and inspiring, all blended seamlessly with deep reflections on their meaning for human evolution and development. It is beautifully written too.’

‘I found I romped through Grandmotherland, fascinated by finding so many pleasant and painful representations of myself and stimulated by those who had found grandmotherdom a quite different realm from my own. It has a flavour reminiscent of my grandmother’s butterscotch, kept locked in a cupboard, definitely delicious but never enough!’

‘I cannot think of any child, parent, or grandparent who would not be utterly gripped by this extremely original and enlightening book, written with such warmth and wisdom. Dr Judith Edwards has made a truly great contribution to family psychology.’

‘A remarkable wide-ranging study of the meaning of grandmotherhood across the centuries and across many cultures. Judith Edwards draws on literature, folk tales, anthropology, psychoanalysis, and a variety of personal accounts of relationships with grandmothers and of becoming grandmothers in turn. It is also an unsettling read, as it aims to get beyond the familiar myths of idealised and demonised grandmothers, to disturb our too-easy resort to stereotypes. It will repay its readers with unexpected and stimulating insights and Edwards’ characteristic pleasure in bringing together highly diverse ways to understand human lives.’

‘This is such an enjoyable book, seemingly light-hearted, but carrying a really profound message. It covers a wide range of situations and cultures. It is a mixture of factual and playful. Above all, it is wise. It carries factual examples of clinical work, and a great deal of common sense. I am impressed that Judith Edwards manages to bring in cultural subtleties on every page - for example, when she looks at the way in which indigenous people in Australia use an oral culture to keep stories and traditions alive and how important it is for an oral culture to be ‘heard’. Edwards quotes at length from her own memoir, Pieces of Molly. We have a chance to revisit Edwards’ own experience of her grandmother, and gain insight from her personal experience. She looks at fairy tales which feature grandmothers from around the world, and finds nuanced interpretations. Edwards touches on the helplessness of grandmothers who are ousted, and the enormous pain of that. Above all, she aims to be non-judgemental, where there is no ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ conclusion. And I think she succeeds in that.’

‘What a journey! Grandmotherland is indeed a fascinating opening into the world of grandmothers. It reveals a privileged window through to the thoughts, feelings and voices that may not often be heard, of different human experiences in what can be a complicated family landscape for three generations.

Within this book is a wholesome space for discovering the many colours, nuances, similarities and differences associated with grannies/nanas/nonnas/babcias. Tales of love, altruism and discovery, along with the exhaustion and overwhelm of grandmothers coming to the rescue, as they surely have done for hundreds of years.

Grandchildren tell of their experiences too, illuminating the feelings of young children, who maybe now as adults, have words to describe what they couldn’t put a name to in their childhood but, which have nevertheless shaped their lives.

We also follow the poignant and honest accounts from women who do not have grandchildren.

Written by a psychotherapist, it is hard to read these stories without an internal reckoning taking place within oneself: Where do I stand in all this? Goodness I couldn’t possibly do that! And maybe an acknowledgment of those whispering feminine senses from which decisions are made and lives are shaped. The bravery of women sings throughout.

hat a journey! Grandmotherland is indeed a fascinating opening into the world of grandmothers. It reveals a privileged window through to the thoughts, feelings and voices that may not often be heard, of different human experiences in what can be a complicated family landscape for three generations.

Within this book is a wholesome space for discovering the many colours, nuances, similarities and differences associated with grannies/nanas/nonnas/babcias. Tales of love, altruism and discovery, along with the exhaustion and overwhelm of grandmothers coming to the rescue, as they surely have done for hundreds of years.

Grandchildren tell of their experiences too, illuminating the feelings of young children, who maybe now as adults, have words to describe what they couldn’t put a name to in their childhood but, which have nevertheless shaped their lives.

We also follow the poignant and honest accounts from women who do not have grandchildren.

Written by a psychotherapist, it is hard to read these stories without an internal reckoning taking place within oneself: Where do I stand in all this? Goodness I couldn’t possibly do that! And maybe an acknowledgment of those whispering feminine senses from which decisions are made and lives are shaped. The bravery of women sings throughout.’

‘Grandmotherland is a highly enjoyable read, as well as being all encompassing in its coverage of the range and types of grandmothers, with variations according to the types of family, country/nationality, roles and expectations. The different permutations over the centuries of the European fairy tale, Little Red Riding Hood, and the mixed messages of the fox vis the granny, are worthy of a doctorate in themselves. The book is a most enjoyable and well researched read. I would thoroughly recommend it.’

‘Dr Judith Edwards’ Grandmotherland emerges as a masterful exploration of the multifaceted role of grandmothers, weaving together stories and insights that span cultures, generations, and time periods. The book’s narrative prowess immediately captures readers, who find themselves eagerly turning pages as Edwards artfully combines storytelling with profound observations. Her writing style maintains scholarly rigor while remaining accessible and engaging, creating an immersive experience that resonates with both academic and general audiences. […] While not presenting itself as a practical guidebook, Grandmotherland stands as an invaluable resource for understanding the complexity of the grandmother role. Edwards’ work challenges both idealized and demonized representations of grandmothers, offering instead a nuanced, thoughtful examination of this crucial family relationship. The result is a landmark text that enriches our understanding of family dynamics and intergenerational relationships.’

‘This is a delightful book that should have a particular pull for psychotherapists. Grandmothers and therapists loosely play similar roles; they are safe, they are “there” and they listen. Grandmothers generally also have the role of telling stories which link back to “the old days” and past history. And, of course, therapists do the same while trying to make sense of present issues.

Grandmothers also vary. In this book Judith Edwards explores these differences while taking us on a fascinating journey with grandmother…’

Dr Judith Edwards is a retired consultant child and adolescent psychotherapist. Previously she taught and supervised at the Tavistock Clinic. She is a former editor of the Journal of Child Psychotherapy and has published her work in papers and academic books internationally. In 2010, she was awarded the Jan Lee Memorial Prize for Analysis and the Arts. She is the author of Psychoanalysis and Other Matters and a memoir entitled Pieces of Molly: An Ordinary Life.