The Sex Talk You Never Got

‘I didn’t realize how healing a book like this would be until I read it. The Sex Talk You Never Got brought me to tears–in a good way. As a woman who is constantly trying to convince the wider Christian culture that it is possible for men to look at a woman without objectifying her; that lustfulness is not a synonym for masculinity; that men are capable of deep and intimate relationships, to hear a man say all this is so refreshing. This book is what the church needs. It cuts through the lies that have kept men trapped in addictions and compulsions while being walled off from real relationship, and it points a Jesus-centered picture of what authenticity, peace, and victory look like. Thank you, Sam.’ * Sheila Wray Gregoire, author of The Great Sex Rescue *‘In the Christian community, male sexuality is often viewed as something out of control, if not dangerous. Consequently, men are asked to manage or suppress their sexual desire, denuding themselves of the beauty and passion inherent in sex. The Sex Talk You Never Got offers a way out that encourages men to grapple with the complexities of their story and become an integrated and awe-filled lover. Sam Jolman anchors us in wise counsel and soul honesty, inviting us to a striking and holistic vision of male sexuality that we need now more than ever. Sam has written a beautiful book and it’s one I hope is read widely.’ * JAY STRINGER, PSYCHOTHERAPIST AND AUTHOR OF UNWANTED: HOW SEXUAL BROKENNESS REVEALS OUR WAY TO HEALING *‘Reading The Sex Talk You Never Got is like seeing the Northern Lights for the first time and being dazzled by the intricate weaving of colors that are both intoxicating and overwhelming. Sam Jolman brilliantly weaves the core realities of the human condition–desire, beauty, shame, trauma, and redemption–into a perspective that will bring grief for what you missed and glory for who you are and who you could become. As much as this is a phenomenal book on men’s sexuality, it is also a way of thinking and being as to what it means to be truly human.’ * DAN B. ALLENDER, PHD, PROFESSOR OF COUNSELING PSYCHOLOGY AND FOUNDING PRESIDENT OF THE SEATTLE SCHOOL OF THEOLOGY AND PSYCHOLOGY *‘Sam Jolman is tender with the topic and nuanced in his care, envisioning a better story of sexuality for those who dare to believe in its possibility. A book written for men that encouraged and challenged the heart of this woman as well.’ * LORE FERGUSON WILBERT, AUTHOR OF THE UNDERSTORY, A CURIOUS FAITH, AND HANDLE WITH CARE *‘Seldom am I stunned and moved to awe (and tears!) merely by reading a book. But Sam’s words took my breath away–not just once, but over and over again. I’m eager to commend it broadly, but I’m also savoring its healing work in my story, in my soul, in my body. This is an exquisitely written and desperately needed book.’ * CHUCK DEGROAT, PHD, professor of pastoral care and Christian spirituality and executive director at Western Theological Seminary’s Clinical Mental Health Counseling Program, and licensed professional counselor *

Sam Jolman is a professional therapist with over twenty years of experience. He specializes in men’s issues and sexual trauma recovery. Being a therapist has given him a front row seat to hear thousands of men and women share their stories. His writing flows out of this unique opportunity to help men work through and understand their stories and find freedom from sexual trauma.

He received his master’s in counseling from Reformed Theological Seminary and was further trained in Narrative Focused Trauma Care by Dan Allender.

Sam lives in Colorado with his wife and three young sons–the people that inspire his writing. Together they enjoy exploring the best camping spots in Colorado in their pop-up camper. Sam goes to therapy, loves mountain biking, and can often be found trying to catch his breath on the floor of his local CrossFit gym.