Fawning
Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves – and How to Find our Way Back
Author: Ingrid Clayton
A book looking at the fourth 'F' of trauma responses: fawning, from a professional trauma therapist.
Readers will learn WHY we fawn, HOW to recognize the signs of fawning and WHAT we can do to successfully 'unfawn', using Clayton's invaluable tools and resources to find meaningful, reciprocal connections - and finally be ourselves.
9th September 2025
Hardcover
PRODUCT INFORMATION
Summary
A book looking at the fourth 'F' of trauma responses: fawning, from a professional trauma therapist.
Readers will learn WHY we fawn, HOW to recognize the signs of fawning and WHAT we can do to successfully 'unfawn', using Clayton's invaluable tools and resources to find meaningful, reciprocal connections - and finally be ourselves.
Description
Fawning is the vital, newly-discovered topic in psychology. You've heard of fight, flight and freeze - but fawning might be the most common trauma response of all. Learn how to work through it and find freedom with the leading expert, Dr. Ingrid Clayton.
Do you avoid conflict?
Do you tend to take the blame?
Do you take care of others at the expense of yourself?
Do you live in a state of hypervigilance?
Fawning can present as being more of who someone is: smart, generous, successful, funny, or beautiful, while for others it's about being less: vocal, ethnic, creative, self-assured or boundaried. Fawning can be visible or invisible; it can manifest in our relationships to sex or money, or in the tendency to 'people-please'; but one thing remains constant: it is about finding safety in an unsafe world, often at our own expense.
Fawning expert and clinical psychologist Dr. Ingrid Clayton is here to bring clarity and support. The first book by a practitioner with years of experience, Fawning will shine a light on this under-represented but crucial piece of the trauma puzzle. Drawing on twenty years of clinical psychology work, as well as a lifetime of insight as a recovering fawner herself, this groundbreaking book brings this emerging concept into the mainstream conversation. Readers will learn WHY we fawn, HOW to recognize the signs of fawning and WHAT we can do to successfully 'unfawn', using Clayton's invaluable tools and resources to find meaningful, reciprocal connections - and finally be ourselves.
Critic Reviews
As a woman in long-term recovery and a lifelong seeker, I've read every book, joined every program, and sat with countless professionals trying to understand what was wrong with me. I've found glimpses of insight along the way-but nothing has touched the root of my pain with the clarity, depth, and compassion of Fawning. Every page is a revelation.
Dr. Clayton brings piercing clarity to the confusion, self-abandonment, and emotional contortions I've lived with my entire life. She shines a compassionate light on what was actually happening-not just in me, but around me. And in doing so, she offers a real path to freedom.
For the first time, I felt fully seen-not pathologized, not judged, but deeply understood.
Fawning isn't just another self-help book. It's a paradigm shift. A lifeline. I believe it will liberate millions.
Occasionally, a book comes along that illuminates your world. Like rain after drought, it's magic. Fawning, Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back is the rain, and Dr. Ingrid Clayton's voice is the magic. If your behaviors have ever left you bewildered and ashamed because they don't reflect who you are, this book is a gift for you. Kelly McDaniel LPC, trauma therapist and best-selling author of Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance and Ready to Heal: Helping Women Heal from Addictive Relationships.
In Fawning, Dr. Ingrid Clayton offers a compassionate and insightful look at one of the most misunderstood trauma responses. Drawing from both clinical expertise and personal experience, she gives voice to those who learned to survive by being agreeable, invisible, and accommodating. This book is a powerful revelation for anyone who has ever mistaken being 'nice' for being safe. Fawning is an essential guide to understanding yourself more deeply and stepping into your full truth. Nedra Glover Tawwab, New York Times bestselling author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace and Drama Free
Anyone who has ever people-pleased, self-silenced, tried to be perfect, or apologized to someone who is harming them must read this book....Dr. Clayton brings her personal story and clinical wisdom to shine a light on this 'forgotten' albeit universal trauma response. This book is a must-read, and a loving and empathic guidebook to healing from all forms of relational trauma. Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of It’s Not You: Understanding and Healing from Narcissistic People
So many of us learned to be attuned to everyone but ourselves. In Fawning, Dr. Clayton shows how this pattern begins, how it persists, and how to begin the process of returning to your own needs. Her insights are a gift to anyone who's ever confused people-pleasing with love. Jessica Baum, LMHC, author of Anxiously Attached
In her groundbreaking book, Dr. Clayton masterfully illuminates a trauma response that is rarely discussed in depth. With creativity, courage, and exceptional insight, she delivers profound knowledge while keeping readers engaged throughout this important exploration. Fawning stands as an essential contribution to our understanding of human behavior, offering both clarity and practical wisdom for those navigating the effects of complex trauma. A truly transformative read. Dr. Galit Atlas, author of Emotional Inheritance
This is the book on fawning-part memoir, part manual, all heart. Clayton doesn't just explain the trauma response; she lived it, named it, and now she's teaching the rest of us how to reclaim ourselves. Patrick Teahan, MSW
With Fawning, Ingrid Clayton compassionately honors the parts of ourselves that learned to survive through over-accommodation and people-pleasing. Her work gives readers practical ways to develop Self-leadership with these often-misunderstood protectors, creating the inner safety needed for true healing. Richard Schwartz, Ph.D., author of No Bad Parts and founder of Internal Family Systems
About the Author
Ingrid Clayton, PhD is a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles, California. She has been in private
practice since 2009. While continually expanding her expertise and training in trauma, Ingrid has always been interested in taking little-known concepts and expanding their reach. Her first book was based on her dissertation research on spiritual bypassing and its impact on recovery for alcoholics and addicts. Recovering Spirituality: Achieving Emotional Sobriety in Your Spiritual Practice was published by Hazelden in 2011 (6,869 in sales).
Ingrid is a regular contributor to Psychology Today where her blog has received over 1 million views. The article, "What is Self-Gaslighting?" is considered an Essential Read. This topic is related to fawning and will be highlighted in Fawning.
In 2022, Ingrid self-published a memoir, Believing Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma which uncovers her personal experience of childhood trauma from a psychologist's perspective. Ingrid took on every aspect of this project by herself, and without a marketing team or distribution, she's sold a total of 12,437 books: 8,677 paperback and ebooks in 14 months and 3760 audiobooks in 12 months.
Product Details
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9th September 2025
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